2027 is almost here. And I think most of us looks outside at this waves hand at window and is panicking a bit.
It’s been a rough year filled with changes and unexpected growth. Never did I ever think I’d move across the country two two meager suitcases filled with photographs and random clothes that definitely were not appropriate for the southwest.
I got through it, though. Which made me think of all the other things I’ve been through and overcome. And I think of all the things I might still need to overcome. Let’s be honest, a tank of gas costs almost a half day of pay. Groceries are out of control. Bills keep going up and companies like to remind employees that we are all replacable. Just ask AI. Politicians are politicking and that’s a whole…thing. People are doing abhorrent things and I just sit back and wonder WTF is happening.
And I want to help. Truly I do. But, no joke, I signed up through my parish to work at a food bank and they took me off the list. No email or anythig. Simply removed me from the group of volunteers.
I’ll keep trying. But it’s stuff like that which makes me want to throw my hands in the air, crawl back into bed, and tell people, “I’ll wake up when ya’ll figure your sh*t out.”
But, this year, instead of stopping trying, or beating myself up all the time, I’m going to do something new. Screw waiting until 2027, it starts today. (Well, this week, but still).
Radical honesty. And unlimited kindness. But. But. But.
There always is a but, isn’t there?
But, it’s not to others. It’s to myself. I’ve been radically kind to others for a very long time. Too long in fact. Now it’s time to show radical honesty and umlimited kindness to myself.
I’m going to be radically honest with myself and stop degrading myself to make others feel better. Instead of, “Oh. Gee. They took me off the list. They probably didn’t need me. It’s okay they didn’t tell me or reach out or anything. They’re probably just busy and I did sign up without any notification or anything. This is totally my fault.” And disregard my own feelings.
I immediately stopped that line of thinking. Why am I defending people I don’t even know?
Instead, I took a moment and said, “Welp. That’s stupid. They didn’t even reach out to let me know why. I can work pretty much every weekend they need someone. But they took me off the list. Sucks to be them when they’re shorthanded. I’m going to do something fun this weekend instead.”
And I booked myself a slot at a sauna. I had a half-off code and I’ve never been to a sauna. It will be fun, though, because my daughter told me it would be amazing. That was enough endorsement for me.
At work, if I make a mistake, I’m no longer beating myself up. I’m going to be radically honest, own it, and move on. And if they don’t want to move on with me, welp. That’s their loss.
At home, if I don’t vacuum on Monday or mop the floor on Friday, there’s always tomorrow. Or the next day. Radically honest, it needs to be done. Unlimited kindness, does it matter when? I mean, it’s only me and my cat. It’s not like I have five kids. I highly doubt Dismas will care if I mop on Saturday or Sunday instead of Friday.
Radical honesty, I’m fat and need to lose weight. Unlimited kindness, I’ve been in survival mode for over twenty years and I did what I had to do to get through the day. Radical honesty, it’s now time for me to really focus on myself, my mental, physical, and emotional health, and getting to a place where my weight is healthy. Unlimited kindness, it needs to happen in a healthy manner where I’m not beating myself up if I have a cupcake. Radical honesty, crash dieting doesn’t work. Unlimited kindness, yeah. It doesn’t. So don’t do that and try to move a bunch more, eat less, and work out when you have a moment in a controled way. Radical honesty, buying a gym membership will cost you a fortune and you probably won’t use it. Unlimited kindness, but you, you smart woman you, you found a bunch of at home workouts you actually enjoy doing.
Radical honesty, there are people in my life who want to point out all my flaws and purposefully make me feel bad. Unlimited kindness, you don’t have to spend time with them if their presence isn’t filling your cup, too. Radical honesty, there’s a bunch of people who don’t like you and want to see you fail. Unlimited kindness, they’re dumb and you already succeeded.
Honestly, I’ve been doing this the past couple days. It’s been hard to change my mindset but it’s working well. I used to dwell on negative feelings. I was the queen of negative self-talk. Now I move on with, “Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing amazing. That’s just one of those annoying things that will catch you up if you let it. Why don’t you read a bit of your book to take your mind off things?”
So, from now until I’m bored of doing it, I’m going to be radically honest and unlimitedly kind to myself.
Anywho. Here’s the books I read.
Books I read this week
Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes Dumez. ***** This is one of those books I’d write the trope, “I’d give this ten stars if I could!” This is a great book explaining how, how in the world, did our nation look at Trump and think, “Yup. He’s a good one.” It essentially goes through the Evangelist movement in the United States, how that has bled into politics (by design), and how your neighborhood evangelist loves John Wayne, Trump, and his momma. It explains how the thread of religious media has become a powerhouse for politics, ending in President Trump. And how we, as a nation, need to get it the hell together, go to the polls, and vote. Seriously. Vote. Vote in every election. I don’t care which one it is. Vote in it. Which reminds me, I need to look up the canidates in my area. Radical honesty, don’t tell other people to do what you aren’t. Unlimited kindness, I have time to do it tomorrow at the sauna. Legit, though. This is the book to even come close to understanding why Evangelist America loves Trump even though he’s about as opposite a Christian as you can ever get.
Daggermouth by H.M. Wolfe. ** ½ Someone take the thesaurus away from this author. Every sentence had fifteen adjectives. It’s about a girl who is an assasain and a guy who is an executioner. She was supposed to kill him. But she saw his face so now she has to marry him. All the rich people wear masks or how else can you tell they’re rich? So she has to marry him because the president said so. And the guy is president’s son. Which is kind of a d*ck move of the dad that he’s your son and the only job you give him is executioner. Why not give him a job like state secretary or minister of defense? A desk job without so much mess. The guy has a tattoo that tells everyone he’s an executioner. That’s a big deal. I still don’t know why. But anyway, they keep trying to kill each other, which fair, she started it but he did kill her parents. There’s a bunch of rings and poor people and guards. There’s a sister and a best friend. A bunch of sex, wanting to have sex, wanting to have sex but not having sex. They stab and shoot each other a lot. And other stuff happened. It’s a long book and kind of all melts together. And by the end I was just so annoyed at all the, “The knife, brilliantly shining like the sun on a Tuesday in May, was held in her tiny, sloth claw-like hand with ambulance red cracked nailpolish, was thrust with the force of a thousand ninjas into my shoulder as blood as thick as my highschool girlfriend splashed down my arm in rivers.” I was like, “OKAY! SHE STABBED HIM! JUST SAY SHE STABBED HIM!” The premise was good but it felt like it was trying too hard to be “dark” and “gritty.” Again, not mad I read it but not particularly happy I did, either. It’s a very “meh” book.
Moral Disorder by Margaret Atwood. **** One of Atwood’s lesser known works. It’s a bit hard to follow but after the second chapter, I decided to go with the flow. It’s about a woman, we later learn is named Nell, and her life. But her life isn’t told in a linear path. There is no real rhyme or reason to the stories we’re told, which I think is the point. It’s really, truly, like life. You tell one part and another and another. And they somehow wind together to make a life. The ending, though, kind of breaks my heart. Nell’s life has been anything but easy. Starting with two parents, who, in my opinion, were pretty negligent and selfish at times, turning from that to Nell having to take care of them was a bit heartbreaking. The stories make you think a bit about this person, who was nameless for a part of the book, and the character study Atwood did. Why did she tell the stories she told? This is a book you read, put down, and remember you read it but can’t exactly pinpoint the feelings you had reading it. Do I actually like Nell or do I feel bad for her? Do I like Liz or do I find her needy and annoying? Do I actually hate Tig or respect his honesty? Is Oona sympathetic or polorizing? All these people, all intertwined, into one story. It’s kind of amazing but confusing and I was left wondering, “I don’t know how I feel about this book and I kind of think that’s the point.”
Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen. *** Here’s the thing. I know a lot of people like this book. But I couldn’t help but think, “Who is this guy and why should I listen to him?” So I looked him up and, well, he’s a writer. Which, great. He is a great writer and has good insights. Instinctively, I knew he probably wasn’t a therapist or psychatrist. In my opinion, this book was very woo-woo simplistic version of overthinking. Becuase of course, yes. Overthinking is bad. Everyone does it to different extents. As someone who has crippling mental health issues, simply saying, “Hey. When you’re having your obsessive thoughts, just PAUSE and everything will be better!” is kind of dangerous. Like, no sir. That’s not how OCD, major depression, and the other mental health disorders I have work. Because you telling me my spiral down to depression or my scrupulosity is just my ego would be so detrimental to so many people. It’s not my ego. It’s my mind playing tricks on me. And telling me to PAUSE is kind of like slapping a bandaid on a broken leg. If the book works for you, dope. Amazing. Read it over and over. But for myself, it was more like someone telling me, “Stop being sad” when I’m depressed.
Bible Verse
You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shade of the Almighty, Say to the LORD, “My refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust.”He will rescue you from the fowler’s snare, from the destroying plague, He will shelter you with his pinions,and under his wings you may take refuge;his faithfulness is a protecting shield. You shall not fear the terror of the night nor the arrow that flies by day, Nor the pestilence that roams in darkness,nor the plague that ravages at noon. Psalm 91-1-6.
Thing I bought this week I love
Welp, not me but Dismas. You see, my beloved cat has been with me for a total of about four months. We’re still in the getting to know you phase of life. Essentially, the humane society told me he was dropped off with little fanfare and a, “We’re allergic to him.” Thing is, Dismas is 2 years old. I’m pretty sure you’d know before two years. Poor guy was covered in dirt when I got him. Like, the bathwater was brown it was so bad.
Although, I am thankful he’s mine. He’s a pain in the *ss sometimes. I’m sure you’re thinking he’s a pain in the normal way a cat is. And he does all the normal cat stuff like walk on the keyboard when I’m trying to work. And meowing all the time just because he can. But he also does stuff like unplug my computer with his teeth, sneak into the refrigerator, and stares in the sink as the dishwasher is running. My vet is annoyed with me because nearly every other week, I’m calling them asking, “Is this normal? This can’t be normal.”
Dismas is a bit of a diva. It took me over a month to find a cat watering device he would use regularly. It’s the metal fountain from Chewy. We’ve been through two plastic ones he ignored. But I can’t just put water in there. No. Dismas doesn’t do lukewarm water. I have to put ice in it and keep it cold or he won’t drink. I only found this out because he will literally lick my iced coffees but would ignore the water.
I told you he was weird.
Wet cat food was annoying. He wouldn’t eat it or anything reallly and was losing weight. The humane society was like, “Sorry, we don’t know what they fed him.” So I was on my own. I tried several different brands, couldn’t get him to eat more than a bite or two out of any of them, and would go to the pet store a couple times just grabbing single servings of cat food trying to find one he likes. Finally, freaking finally, I got Reveal wet cat food, seafood version, and he LOVED it. He would eat ten cans a day if I let him.
Same thing with dry cat food. He could take it or leave it. But, I want him to have both wet and cat food. Finally, I was like, “Well, he likes the wet food. Maybe he’ll like the dry Reveal food.” While he doesn’t like it as much as he likes the wet cat food, he is eating it. Which is great.
So yeah, if you get a cat who doesn’t seem to like anything but human food and iced coffee, consider ice cold water in a metal water fountain and the whole line of Reveal cat food. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for Dismas.
My scruffy cat who wasn’t eating is now a plump fluffernutter who drives me crazy but I miss him if I’m gone for more than a couple hours.
I’m learning it’s the way of the cat.
