Step Up Or Step Out
I’ve been on this kick in the algorythm now about women remaining single into their 40s. If you haven’t seen the previous blog post, please read it now or next.
Or never.
Who am I to tell you what to do?
I’m the product of much fascination between people of successfully being single for a very long time. And I never really thought about it other than to shut people down when they tried to uncover the mystery. The fact is there is no mystery. It’s a choice just like everyone else’s. The way childfree people who still like kids, but know they don’t want to be parents, is the same way I look at relationships. They’re great and I love them…for other people. For myself, though, I look at it as another thing on a long list of things I don’t want to do. Kinda like going camping in the winter. Or skiing. Or paragliding. I’m sure it’s fun for other people. Just not something I’m gagging to do.
And then there’s the manosphere. The men like the Tates of this world who tell me I’m wrong to want what I want. That my looks are what’s keeping me from having a relationship where the man is the head and the woman follows behind him with a vacuum and a sandwich. That my life is meaningless without a man. That my degrees, and successfully raising two daughters on my own, my accomplishments and hopes, my fears and my dreams, mean nothing without a man.
Blech.
I watch their podcasts, their videos, their endless rants against the “matrix” and wonder who the hell is listening to this crap? The men who are so angry, who put their dirty laundry online for the world to see, are the ones young men are watching with baited breath and trying to be like?
And the women backing this up are…let’s say…it’s a choice.
Look, I’m not here to knock down women who want to stay at home with their kids and live in a traditional role. I’m not here to tell them not to do that. I am here to tell them they don’t have to if they don’t want to. I’m here to tell women they can choose freely what they want to do.
And there are women out there who want that. So my question becomes, why are men yelling at me and not going after them?
If you want a wife who wants to stay at home with the kids and do all the tradwife things, find her. Find that woman. Give her a big ol’ house and babies and a steam mop. Have at it. Far be it from me to yuck someone’s yum.
But also…
But also don’t yell at me when I look at that (probably) young woman and say to her, “It’s all fine and good you want to do this, but also please have a backup plan. Becuase anything can and will happen tomorrow. Jobs are lost. Economies suck. Best laid plans are just plans and not reality. And you need to have a plan in place if it all goes to hell. Because it probably will.”
Once upon a time there was no choice for women. There were clearly defined roles we had to play and it sucked. Women worked for centuries to get the same rights as men. Now we are at a place where women are able to pick, men are still mad. But they should really be happy we have a choice. Becuase if we choose, when we choose, and we choose you, what does that say about you as a man? If I have all the world at my fingertips, everything I could ever want is mine to take, and I still choose to spend my life with you, what does that say about you as a man? Wouldn’t you want that version of me and not the version who picks you because I felt I had to?
It says you are more than enough. It says you are amazing and I couldn’t imagine a world without you. That I would choose you above my own space, peace, and sanity.
When a woman picks a man in today’s world, it’s telling them, I don’t need you. I want you. And that means more.
A hundred years ago, I would need a man for a bank account. A car. An apartment. Anything. Now I don’t need that. So if I picked a man, it wouldn’t be for those reasons. Then? Yes. Now? No.
Men are mad because we’re saying, “Step up or step out.”
Step up and be a partner, not a liability. Step up and do chores like I do. Step up and remember to get the oil changed. Remember to pick up the prescriptions. Remember to take the trash out, do the laundry, clean the bathroom like I do. Remember my birthday like I remember yours. Take me on dates like I take you. See what needs to be done and do it not because I asked but because you’re a whole ass adult who sees what needs to be done and does it.
If you want a mom, stay at home with yours. If you want a partner, find one who challenges you to be a better person. Becuase finding a partner who doesn’t challenge you means you’re going to be bored out of your mind.
Maybe that’s what those men want? To be bored and have a woman who hangs on her every word. Sounds like a horrible existence. But who am I to judge.
But yeah. If you want that woman, find her. Leave me alone. Because I’m surely not going to be her.
Books I read this week:
The Perfect Marriage by Jeneva Rose: A famous defense attorney has a husband. The husband has a mistress. The mistress winds up dead in his bed. The defense attorney defends her husband. Chaos ensues. It’s kind of the perfect storm. You see the knots in the case slowly being untangled and it’s thrilling. The ending was amazing. It was truly one of those things you sit back at the end and say, “Oh, damn. I didn’t even see that happening!” *****
Custodians of Wonder by Eliot Stein: This one is a long one but worth reading every word. From pasta that only a few women in the world know how to make to rope bridges that spanned empires to a tree that has it’s own address, this is a book of the things in the world few people know about but everyone should. Learning about ordinary people doing extraordinary things is just so refreshing. It’s a good book to read when you think the world is falling apart. That these few are out there doing something small and huge at the same time. *****
Murder on the Oreint Express by Agatha Christie: Thirteen people on a train. One dies. Hercule Poirot must solve the case. I love Agatha Christie novels. I’ve read them since I was a young teenager. She’s one of the GOATS of mystery and thrillers. *****
Joyful Anyway by Kate Bowler: What’s the difference between joy and happiness? How can we become joyful in the face of despair. Kate uncovers how to be joyful in the face of things like cancer, death, broken relationships, hurt, betrayal. How to look at life as a joy and know that none of us are getting out of it alive. That even in the worst times, there are better times to come. That every moment doesn’t have to be looked at as a gift. That sometimes you’re going to have the suck. But that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or not joyful. It means you’re human. But be prepared to cry. *****
Movies I watched this week.
A Toxic Love Story on Netflix: Angela, who is pregnant with twins is married to Ian, a United States Marshall. Angela is getting threatening emails from Michelle, Ian’s ex-girlfriend. The threats are gaining in traction as Michelle is putting ads out for the SA of Angela. Michelle is caught and goes to jail. End of story. Or is it? Is Angela really pregnant? Is Ian really the doting husband he seems to be? Is anything what it seems? No. But it never is. *****
Lious Theroux: Inside the Manosphere: It’s interesting to me when manosphere men meet men and women who are smarter than they are. You can visibly see in the documentary the reaction of these men when a man smarter than them questions them. The moment the question they don’t want asked are asked, and suddenly they disappear. They need a drink. There is an important meeting they need to attend. Don’t talk to him because he knows. It’s actually hilarious at times to see the men who think they’re the smartest in the room get cornered. *****
Bible Verse I thought about this week.
Brothers and sisters: Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming to death, even death on a cross. Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should ben, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Phillippians 2:6-11
What I bought this week I love:
I went on Chewy and bought the cactus cat tree. It was a bit pricy at about $90.00. But the cheap cat tree I got Dismas from Amazon lasted about three months. This one is much bigger, sturdier built, and he seems to love it. I’m so glad he now has the high perch he always wanted.
