Depending on who asked.
Do you ever have answers to questions depending on who asked?
Like, if you ask me who is my favorite author, it depends on who asked the question. If it’s a job interview, it would be different than a friend who would be different than a Catholic priest?
Because they’re all truths. I can have more than one favorite.
Job interview? Matthew Desmond.
Friend? Charles Bukowski if they’re a good friend. Margaret Atwood if we’re acquaintances.
Catholic Priest? The Apostle Paul.
Depending on who asked is the fluff of life. It’s the way we attune ourselves to the questioner. Like the question, what do you do for fun?
Job interview? I’ve been taking Russian lessons for a while.
Friend? Drinking, reading, and going to the pool.
Catholic Priest? Reading my Bible.
Same question different variations of answers. Because only certain people want to know which variation of you they want to know. My interviewer wants to know a different variation of me than my friend. My Catholic priest wants to know a different variation of me than my friend does. Each of them wants to know the part of me they’re interested in.
Only a few people want the whole story. I wonder sometimes who wants mine. Being single is like that. You wonder if a partner would want to know them all. Then you wonder if you would want to give someone all the answers. And what happens if they get them and don’t like them?
Russian lessons are fun, though.
Books I read this week:
Cultish by Amanda Montell: How do people join cults? And how do we automatically tell who joined one and which one they joined? Language is important and Amanda tells how the words, the inflections, the choice of phrasing can tell you someone is neck-deep in a cult. What’s more, she explains the why they use what they use to keep people involved. Ideology that sounds too good to be true. A sense of belonging to an exclusive crowd when no one knows you truly unless they’re a part of the cult. How no one really “gets” you other than this super secret (or not so secret) group of people who have it all figured out. And why seemingly intelligent people fall for it. It’s easy to point to cult followers and say, “I’ll never be one of them.” But it’s harder to understand that any one of us at any time can be sucked into one simply out of lonliness, or boredom, or a sense that we don’t belong anywhere.
The Wife Drought by Annabel Crabb. Many women joke they need a wife. But why? Why are women complaining they have to do it all? The issue lies within societal expectations of women who have to both work, clean, cook, take care of the children, and so on until they’re always tired and overloaded with work. As someone who was a single mom, I see it differently. I think communication is a big part of the breakdown. Also, settling for less than what you should have. Standing firm and saying, “I’m doing 80% of the housework and 100% of the childrearing while you work forty hours a week and call it a day. Something has to change here.” But as someone who had to work sixty hours a week, do 100% of the cleaning, and 100% of the housework…well, sometimes I want to tell women, “What is it you truly want?” I tell a lot of women my age that raising two kids on my own seemed to be a lot easier than raising two kids on my own and being pissed at my husband all the time.
Death in the Jungle by Candace Fleming. Jim Jones has always been fascinating to me. How in the world did some dorky looking guy from Indiana convince a couple hundred people to move into a jungle? And why did they go? It’s interesting how he moved from normal-ish preacher to a god-like character who believed he was the Second Coming. How he moved from social justice to kiss my ring and let me lead. It’s fascinating how people could shift ideals from one to the other because of his leadership. The whole time I was thinking, “Did he have good intentions at first and then his whole persona changed? Or was he evil from the start?” And how do we stop this from happening again? It’s sad because his early ideas were good. Community mixed with faith. All men are truly created equal. That we should look out for each other. But as he slowly delved into mental madness, the shift kept happening and I wondered will the real Jim Jones please stand up?
Bad Therapy by Abigale Shrier. This one tugged at my heart only because I’m noticing online the “therapy speak” a ton of children and teenagers are using on a daily basis. I think we’re feeding our children the lie that life will be good all the time and that pain is bad all the time. I remember telling my kids as we were struggling, “Sometimes life is just going to suck. Sometimes it’s hard and the best thing you can do is to keep your nose to the grindstone and keep walking. You have to take your punches, get up, dust off, and keep walking.” That life isn’t supposed to be always roses and sunshine. That some people are going to come in, f*ck it up, and leave. That pain can be good because it means you’re growing. Not every bad thing is traumatic. Not every pain is going to need a therapy session. That strong people accept whatever event for what it is and move on. Our kids are anxious and timid. Scared to fail. Scared to do the hard things. And when a hard thing comes, they’re afraid to even try. Because they’ve been taught that pain, that suffering, that doing the hard stuff to get the good stuff is bad. That adults are there to pave the way for them. And now we have a whole generation of kids who think if things aren’t happy all the time, they’re bad. But the things that shaped who I am, the woman I am, the strength I have within aren’t the good times. It’s the times I look back and say, “I can’t believe we survived that” that make me the woman I am today.
Post Office by Charles Bukowski. Okay. I admit. I love Bukowski and have read nearly every word he’s written. This was a, “Oh my gosh! The library actually has copies of Bukowski!” Most of them don’t because he’s a bit problematic. Meaning his work definitely is not for everyone. If you’re easily offended, put him back on the shelf. If you’re wanting a light, fluffy read, put him back on the shelf. If you want to laugh out loud to a raunchy old man who is in no way politically correct, who lived a wild life filled with questionable choices, pick it up. Bukowski was a womanizer wino who worked at the post office off and on until he realized he would never leave. So he left.
Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini, PhD. This book took me over a month to read. It was so much information crammed into less than 500 pages. But it made me realize how I’m influenced on a daily basis to do the things I do every day. Why did I buy that one thing and not the other? Why did I sign one petition and not the other? Why did I take this call, talk to this person, tip this much? It’s all answered in this book. And it’s funny because I did the things in the book without thinking as my time serving tables to make extra money. I didn’t realize putting more mints on the check gave me more tips. I didn’t realize that telling a customer they were my friend made me extra tips. All I knew was that it felt right and seemed to work, so why not? But he explains the reasons behind why we do what we do and how it works on us in brilliant ways. How toy companies make sales in January when all the Christmas gifts have been opened. How car salesmen get you to buy the higher priced car. How you can go into an electronics store and buy the bigger television on sale when you only wanted a hard drive. How a salesmen can keep you coming back over and over again without thinking. The sad fact is that it seems we’re never going to stop making impulsive purchases. But we can see them for what they are and isn’t that enough? I was so proud when I finished it but man, it was a rough read.
Songs I listened to on repeat
Say It by Blue October. Favorite band and one of my favorite songs.
All For You by Sister Hazel.
Things I bought this week
A cat bed for Dismas in a spot he likes to lay. He kicked it out of the way and laid on the floor. I looked at him and said, “Same, dude.” It’s now in another place and I have no idea if he’ll use it. If he doesn’t in the next couple months, I’ll donate it to the humane society.
Favorite bible Verse (nearly of all time)
“I, Paul, am already being poured out like a libation, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award me on that day and not only to me, but to all who have longed for his appearance.
The Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that through me the proclamation might be completed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil threat and will bring me safe to his heavenly Kingdom. To him be glory forever and ever. Amen.” 2 Timothy 4:6-8, 17-18
