Walking away isn’t giving up. It’s going somewhere new.
My daughter got a new job after trying her best to keep her old one. Personal conflicts and a manager who didn’t want her there made it almost impossible to stay. Every day, she’d call in a panic that this manager told her no one liked her and her work was shoddy. Every day I listened to my child, one of the two most important people in the world to me, spiral into this anxiety riddled person I could barely recognize. It was torture for both her and me. Loving someone so much and being able to do nothing to help alleviate her pain was brutal. I suggested she find a new job. Her therapist told her the same. It was only when we told her walking away wasn’t giving up, it was starting somewhere new. Somewhere that managers and terrible co-workers can’t get to her. Starting over meant she would be able to walk into work in a place she felt safe and happy. That she could shed the past and have a bright future if only she would let go and let God do His work.
She did it and it worked wonders. Two weeks in and she was saying she wished she’d done it sooner. Walking away meant she had a new beginning and was thrilled she got to start over again. After two weeks, she even deep-cleaned her apartment and got rid of clothes and things that reminded her of a trying and depressing time. Her energy skyrocketed. Her mood enhanced. She had people around her who thought the world of her and appreciated everything she did for them.
Life got better simply because she walked away.
I had prayed so hard in those months that God would guide her and keep her satisfied. I prayed that if He gave her grace and understanding that this was only a little blip in the radar, hardly worth remembering, that He would walk her through.
Completely trusting that she would begin anew. And those who hurt her would probably never understand what they did. But, in the long run, they would reap what they sowed. That their actions would either come to haunt them in this life or the next. It wasn’t up to me for punishment. It’s all in God’s hands now.
It’s been two weeks and I’ve focused on my children. Though we’re far apart, we’re always on the phone or I’m wishing they were closer. But these past two weeks have been filled with my want to help them. To smooth the way. And I can’t. But I can pray that when one chapter ends, they can dip their pen into the inkwell of goodness, of righteousness, and begin a new one filled with hope and wonder.
Books I read these past two weeks:
These is My Words by Nancy E. Turner: If you want to know what settling a new territory is really like, this book is an amazing account of heartbreak and pain but loving and hope. Times were so different back in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Family was central to living and it was both beautiful and haunting. Every chapter was like a gift of the past blending into the future. I wish I had the next chapters of her life. Her words were simple, plain, but brilliant. I cannot recommend enough.
Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey: Resting, giving time to pause, is not laziness. And I truly needed someone to tell me that. I needed someone to tell me that being exhausted, working myself to the bone, to always “hustle” wasn’t a way to live. I cannot thank Tricia enough for writing this book. We are not lazy. We are tired. And the only way not to be tired is to give ourselves permission to rest. It’s a bit political but I understand where the author is coming from. I am not a minority and it did give me a better glimpse into minority struggles. I will always think of her when I try to better understand people who are minorities and how I view work and rest.
Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil by V.E. Schwab: This book is supposed to be amazing but honestly, I thought it was boring as heck. I am trying to do a book bingo and supernatural romance was on it. This had high reviews and I had high hopes but it was like, “Where is the big climax?” It’s long. Really long. And, for me, boring as all get out. It’s LGBTQUIA+ friendly which is fine, but it also just seems to never end. This person goes to this person goes to this person and back again. If everything is detrimental, is nothing detrimental?
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker: Ever wonder why you get those tingling sensations when you meet someone and your body registers “DANGER”? It’s not because you have psychic abilities. It’s because your subconscious mind is gaining insight your conscious mind is not. This book explains WHY you’re feeling that way and why it’s vitally important to listen to your body. He gives real examples of people who have been in dangerous situations and how they experienced those signs. How to act in those predicaments and how to understand your perception is oftentimes not skewed. Learning to trust your body, your nervous system, and survive is important. I’m going to recommend this book to every young woman in my life. It could very well save them.
The Will to Change by Bell Hooks: Freaking finally a feminist explains why men have a hard time understanding the feminist movement doesn’t want to bring them down but build them up. We want men to feel loved and fulfilled and not stifled by the fact society expects them to not feel anything and to rule with an iron fist. We want them to feel love and tenderness. We want them to grow in a world where compassion and kindness is not seen as a weakness but as a path forward. That their lives have purpose and meaning other than what they can do. The men in my life are wonderful because they are unique, feeling creatures who deserve love and respect simply because they are. Not because of what they do. I wish every man would read this book and feel the love the author has for them. It could very well change the world.
Things that I bought tha t i love:
Qutool Cooling Pillow for Sleeping: Long story short, I bought four pillows from Marshalls when I moved. Two were amazing and I put them on the pull-out bed for guests. The two that I put on my bed absolutely fell apart within two months. I didn’t want to switch, that would be rude to my guests. And I’m in that stage of life where everything is hot (if you know, you know). So I read the reviews and tried these pillows. Oh. My. Gosh. They’re almost cold if they’re left alone for a bit and that crisp, clean, cold feeling when you lie your head down. I love them because they’re big and fluffy but also you can take stuffing out or put more in. They’re almost too full when I got them but I’m loving it. I love being almost cold when I sleep and these fit the bill perfectly.
Easeland Mattress Pad: My bed is a kind of gift from my brother for moving. And it’s hard. Super hard. My daughter would love it but I’m more of a medium firm mattress kinda girl. This put on top of the mattress has been amazing. After reading Rest is Resistance, I told myself I deserved a comfortable bed (again, thank you Tricia wherever you are). This pad has just the right amount of “fluff” that it makes a hard mattress into a medium-firm one. And I haven’t slept better in months. Cannot recommend enough.
Bedecor 100% Cotton Sheet Set: Same thing. I wanted better sheets that didn’t make me super hot in the middle of the night. My old sheets were cotton and I can’t understand the difference. These just are cold enough I don’t throw them off in the middle of the night. The old ones, I wanted to scream, they were so hot. These are cold enough I just curl up at the end of the day and sleep like a baby.
Bedelite Fleece Queen Comforter Set Fluffy, Queen Size: I have a thing with fluffy blankets. I don’t know why, but I love them so much. I bought this one because it was a good price and in a cream color that matched my sheets. It’s amazing. Fluffy yet thin enough I don’t feel swallowed. The only thing I have to remember is to dry it on cool setting because if you don’t, the fibers will melt together. Hopefully, I don’t mess that up.
Bible Verse i loved:
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light,” Matthew 30:
